he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
