I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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