fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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