Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize