I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
