Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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