if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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