You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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