it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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