you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
