do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
