If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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