Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
