She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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