Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
