she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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