peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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