OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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