I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
