I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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