Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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