God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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