If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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