I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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