I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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