i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
