isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
