you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
