I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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