So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
