just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
