So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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