69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
