weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
