i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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