We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
