she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
