He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
