I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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