Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
