Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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