But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
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He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize