Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
