i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
