I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
