He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We left an ass print on the piano.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
