So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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