as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
