I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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