It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
