But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
