i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
