Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize