maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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