Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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