That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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