Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
3 2 1 whiskey
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
