a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize