when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
