I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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