I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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