did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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