It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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