The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
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that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
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I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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