there's paper in my vomit.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just invented taco cereal.
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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