By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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