is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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