You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
