this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
