How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
