Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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